Arsonist with oddly-shaped feet blows up car with aux cord

Little Rock, Arkansas - Yesterday an infamous arsonist that has terrorized the city of Little Rock was found dead after a family-friendly, mid-sized SUV burst into flames on Main St. No one was else was in the car.

     The first thing that Detective Slater checked was the victim's iPhone. Lo and behold, he was using Spotify, and he was playing cult favorite Migos. Cases don't get more open and shut than that. The arsonist took advantage of his aux cord, played some rap that was fire flames, and perished because of it. 

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"If worms had machine guns, birds wouldn't be scared of them" - Jim Harbaugh
Ranters

Nick

  • Reads at a 7th grade level
  • Does not have good endurance
  • Saw Paul McCartney at a restaurant once
  • Pretends to know the words to most songs

Ciaran

  • Patchy facial hair
  • Walks on tip toes
  • Uses hands a lot when he talks, but is not Italian
  • Could not speak English until freshman year of college

Larry

  • Hates hot sauce but insists on eating it anyway
  • Leader of the anti-pants movement
  • Only wears velcro shoes
  • Favorite Febreze scent: French Lavender

Sean

  • Just awful at everything
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